Bloody
by Rime The Icewing
Summary: A parody of Frozen featuring songs such as "Do you wanna kill a vampire?" and "Let Them Bleed." Elsa is indeed a vampire hunter, and this was indeed created only for humor purposes. Rated T for gore and extensive use of the word "crap". Cover image from the internet and not owned by me.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my version of Frozen where Elsa and Anna kill vampires! Rated T for gore and the frequent use of the word crap! I'm skipping that weird beginning scene. By the way, while Frozen is an okay movie, it's not one of my favorites, and this is just for fun. If you like Wings of Fire, check out my profile and take the poll! – Rime**

Little five-year-old Anna could not sleep, so instead she poked her sister, Elsa. "Anna, go away or I will shoot you with my vampire hunting crossbow," Elsa grunted. Then, she shoved her younger sister off the bed.

"But the vampires are awake, so I'm awake, and we have to play," Anna complained. Elsa moaned in her half-sleep.

Then, little Anna was struck with an idea. "Do you wanna kill a vampire?"

That seemed to persuade Elsa, and in moments the two girls were in the great hall.

"You be the vampire this time, Elsa," Anna pleaded. Elsa nodded and ran around the room, chasing her younger sister, Anna squealing like an ill-behaved piglet the entire time.

Elsa caught her sister and tackled her to the floor. "No one can ever love me, so now I'm going to bite you," Elsa said in her best overly-dramatic-pixie-stick-vampire voice.

"No no no!" Anna cried between giggles. Elsa bit her on the neck without drawing blood. Anna passed out and a red streak grew in her hair.

"Uh, Mother? Father? I think I killed Anna," Elsa yelled into the silence. Her mother and father burst through the door as though they had been waiting there the whole time.

"Really? I thought we'd never get rid of her," the King sighed.

"Dear, she's just passed out," the Queen said after checking Anna's pulse. "But ew! There's this gross red streak in her hair!"

The king staggered away from her daughter. "No! The colors clash so horribly! I know what to do, I'll go get a book from the library and then I can lead you to the trolls."

Half an hour later, the King strolled back into the room holding a cup of coffee. "Before anyone gets mad, I forgot about the entire situation, and that's why I'm late. Er, at least the coffee will help me stay alert for the horse ride?" The King gave a sheepish smile, realized that nobody gave a crap about what he had said, and went to get the horses.

Once on the horses, nobody realized that they were being creepily stalked by a blond little vampire boy and a reindeer. The little boy followed them the whole way.

Upon arriving at the clearing where all the trolls lived, a particularly old and stupid looking one approached them. "Born with the burning desire to kill vampires, or fueled by the need for revenge?" he asked, pointing at Elsa.

"Born, and she's getting more annoying," the King said, rolling his eyes.

"Hmm. I take it she bit her sister? Vampire hunter bites can sometimes cause the hair of the victim to become hideously discolored," the troll explained.

"Can you fix her hair?" the Queen asked.

"No, but if you buy the memory wipe package we can totally troll the future," the troll said.

"Deal," the King and Queen said at the exact same time. The troll began erasing memories of vampire hunting and said something overly dramatic about leaving the fun.

"But she won't remember my epic vampire hunting skills?" Elsa asked.

"Naw, sweetie, she'll think you're totally useless like everyone else," the Queen soothed, stroking her daughter's hair.

"Crap," Elsa said under her breath.

"Elsa, I don't know how I magically know your name but I have a grave warning for you that will totally mess up your future," the troll said, taking Elsa's hand. "While Anna's opinion on the matter can be as public as you desire, Elsa, you must keep your vampire hunting a secret or you'll cause enormous political imbalance." Elsa had no idea what these words meant, so she just smiled and nodded.

"It's good to see you're okay with that, Elsa, because now you'll only be allowed to leave the castle in the middle of the night, and you shall never open the gates of the castle unless you happen to have a coronation," the King said. Elsa said crap again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! Someone who actually stayed until chapter two! Please review, but no flames please, I did say that this is just for fun, didn't I? – Rime**

A year after, Anna was bored yet again, just like that fateful day she had no recollection of. So she ran to the door of her sister's room and started spontaneously singing like any other bored six-year-old would do.

"Elsa?

"Do you wanna kill a vampire?

"I haven't done that for a while.

"Oh please, my life is such a bore,

"Without the blood and gore,

"That only killing can provide,

"I've got a wooden stake here,

"All I need is you.

"So come on, walk out that door!

"Do you wanna kill a vampire?

"Just a single little vampire,

"Anna, I will not hesitate to murder you," Elsa called from beyond the door.

"Fine," Anna said sulkily. Then she walked away, only to approach the door again in another couple of years or so.

"Do you wanna hide a body?

"I think this one's starting to smell.

"I killed it with my wooden stake

"And I think I may have made it

"Fester there as well.

"Elsa, you used to get so excited,

"When we made the kill.

"Why can't we do it now?

"Do you wanna hide a body?

"Not just an ordinary body."

"Anna, what did I tell you last time?" Elsa hollered.

"Okay, bye," Anna said and she sulked away once again.

Meanwhile, when Anna was like sixteen or something and Elsa was about to come of age, the King and Queen were going on a leisurely horse ride when suddenly they were attacked by a little blond vampire boy who bit their heads off. The King's dying words were: "Oh crap!"

Anna was left on her own in the castle because Elsa chose to sulk in her rom all day and post selfies on the internet. Finally, Anna decided to sing at her sister's door one last time.

"Okay, I think I get it,

"You just hate me, so yeah.

"I think you ought to know I hate you too.

"But I'll keep singing at your door,

"Pleading for blood and gore,

"Btw, our parents are dead.

"I know you probably jumped out a window,

"To avoid my voice,

"But I don't give a crap!

"Do you wanna kill a vampire?

"Just a single little vampire,"

Then, Anna collapsed into tears at the door and there was much rejoicing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three. Ah. Please be aware that as I am writing this, I am having extreme difficulty trying to come up with a remix sort of thing for the next song and it's agonizingly long, so it might be terrible. Then again, you might get a laugh out of that, so yeah… Review, please! – Rime**

The day of Elsa's coronation was finally there. Anna could not have been more excited, and neither could her many psychiatrists, who believed that a visit from people might solve some of Anna's psychological boo-boos, which included talking to paintings as though they were alive and an obsession with chocolate.

Another of her psychological issues was the tendency to sing whatever she was feeling, so of course, at such an exciting time, there was only that for her to do.

"The windows are open, letting in the sun.

"Vampires wouldn't like that, no not one.

"But then again, maybe that'll keep them away.

"For years, I've carried a wooden stake.

"Maybe it's time I let that change.

"Maybe vampires are really nice. (I doubt it)

"Today Elsa will let in people.

"Maybe she'll come out.

"Maybe we can hunt some suckers today!

"But for the first time in forever,

"I only care slightly about vampires!

"But for the first time in forever,

"My psychiatrists can shut up!

"Don't know if I'm annoying or stupid,

"But my sister says I'm both!

"Cause for the first time in forever,

"Vampires can go suck a lemon."

"I can't wait to meet everyone," Anna said to a random painting. "Maybe I'll meet a hot vampire!"

"So maybe that's a bit hypocritical,

"But at least I can kill him if it doesn't work out.

"I've always wanted to try something like that.

"Of course, I'll have killed like half his race

"But maybe he'll be stupid, or have no taste,

"Maybe it'll work out after all.

"Or maybe I'll meet a human.

"That would probably turn out best.

"Maybe he'll hunt vampires with me!

"For the first time in forever,

"Okay, so maybe I'll die.

"But for the first time in forever,

"I'll maybe meet a guy."

"And I know I'm ridiculously stupid,

"My sister made sure I know!

"But for the first time in forever,

"Elsa might give a crap."

"So music is contagious," thought Elsa as she joined in with her sister's song, which could be heard by anyone within a three mile radius.

Elsa: Don't think of the desire, to kill vampires.

They killed my parents, but why should I care?

It's not as if they liked me at all.

They were too stupid realize how dumb this is.

Elsa: It's only for a day.

Anna: Only for a day.

Elsa: It's agony to wait.

Anna: It's agony to wait.

Elsa: What the crap, why not open up the gate!

Anna: The gate!

Anna: For the first time in forever,

Elsa: Don't think of the desire,

Anna: There will be people here.

Elsa: To kill vampires.

Anna: A chance to be an idiot,

Elsa: Don't think.

Anna: In front of everyone.

Elsa: Don't think of the desire to kill vampires.

Anna: And here's my grand finale,

So be ready for your ears to bleed.

For the first time in forever,

For the first time in forever,

I can totes get a date.

And then Anna ran frolicking through the streets, unaware that she skipped past a blond teenage vampire.he'll


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so I noticed that a lot of people have been reading it, and yet I have no reviews. Now I am sad. Just for that, Olaf will die. JUST KIDDING! XD But seriously, review. I will deal with flames even as long as you're okay with strongly worded MSGs. I don't swear, true, but that doesn't mean I can't be rude and insulting. – Rime**

Anna walked directly into a horse. A big black horse with red eyes. The horse of a vampire? Anna's subconscious said "Naw," in a very sarcastic way, but Anna didn't speak sarcasm. Some random guy in a white suit leaped off of the horse.

"I am soooo sorry," he said. Once again, Anna didn't speak sarcasm.

"Its fine, my fault," Anna assured him.

"I'm Prince Hans, of the Southern Isles," the guy said. "So pleased to meet you," he added sarcastically. People normally don't need a Rosetta Stone lesson or a college degree to understand sarcasm, but Anna would've needed both.

"I'm Princess Anna, of Arandelle," Anna said, blushing slightly. The slightly rational part of her mind said "Oooh, hot vampire." The most rational part of her mind said "Random vampire. Beware." However, the stupid part of Anna's mind that she found herself listening to most often, said "Oooh hot human guy!" Anna was not a smart person.

"I have something I totally have to do right this second to avoid talking to you. See ya' later!" Hans said. Then, he and the black horse disappeared into the crowd.

Anna heard bells. It took her a full tree minutes to realize that bells meant coronation. She took off at a run to the ceremony.

Elsa was totally freaking out about the ceremony because she'd had to resist the impulse to brutally slaughter three vampires already. Well, I say resisted, but she actually pushed one into a lake and pretended it was an accident. Nothing was ever proved.

The choir was singing and the ceremony would be actually starting in a moment. Elsa listened to the choir and began to realize that they were not singing in any language she knew, but that they were actually singing gibberish. Elsa was so delusional, she thought she actually heard the word "vampire" eight different times.

Finally, Anna burst in, fell in a cake, and the ceremony started. Elsa did some ceremonial coolio stuffs, and then it was all over. She was queen and she hadn't killed any vampires. Then again, she was planning to make a law against vampires the very next day. Oh well.


End file.
